Being without a thyroid is a pain in the ass.
One reason? It’s the major gland that controls a lot of the hormones that regulate emotions. Right now, my body doesn’t realize I’m on synthetic hormone, so I have periods where I’m not only extra tired but also extra . . . . everything. Sad, frustrated, depressed, struggling – everything.
The thing is, none of this is NEW for me; I’ve been handling it for over 7 years. (So that means I should be an expert at dealing with it, right?) But there are days when I just can’t get the pieces to fit. My poor boyfriend and friends get to hear me whine a lot about how upset I am. El Senor (literally translated, The Mister) will sometimes ask me, “Why so many ups and downs?”
Good things have been happening the past few days. I’ve gotten very far into my workout schedule, and I’m training again for a mini-triathlon. It started with a 1km openwater swim on Saturday that took me back to the very first place I ever did an openwater swim. It was a spiritually cleansing and revitalizing experience. I made huge progress moving things into my boyfriend’s house. I went to watch him play paintball for the first time, since he came to watch me swim for the first time. I got on the trainer for almost 40 minutes last night and did a hill workout, then did strength for another 20 minutes. Last night I did a stride run. I shouldn’t mention that I then sat around and beat myself up for 30 minutes about why I was so stiff and it only lasted 1.3 miles. I’ll be joining a Master’s swim group again when I can.
There is so much that’s not under my control. I am aware that I should not try to control all things, as I will never be able. But it’s hard to see one’s progress when one is standing in the midst of it. Sometimes, what is required is distance.
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